Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
