So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
