I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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