this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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