What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
