That's intense
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
