It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
