Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we made out on top of his cat.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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