My sheets look like a crime scene.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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