I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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