he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
