Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
