No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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