How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
