I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
