There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
that's an acceptable place to lick
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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