You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
