I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
