The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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