Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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