So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
