"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
no you cant smoke seaweed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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