Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Boobs are out for the taking
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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