Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
