There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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