Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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