Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
