My liver just broke up with me...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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