I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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