Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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