she takes plan B like it's going out of style
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
