You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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