i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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