I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
