I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You left your phone here
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