I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
