Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
