One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
