hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize