the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
