I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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