I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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