sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
