my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
