what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
