Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
