Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
