it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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