that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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