so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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