sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
