It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
