i need an iv and a liver transplant
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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