fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
