So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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