When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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