I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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