Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
