I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
