im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
