I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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