she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
