oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
