Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize