saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize