just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
