I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
