I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
