Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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