and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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