last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
