Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
