The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
not ubering you a puppy
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
