Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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