college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
