if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
