I just pynch a tree in the face
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize