it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
