dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
