nut hugger
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
