I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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