Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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