My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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