Kiss
Puke
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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