Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
