Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
