you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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