i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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