If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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