You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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