turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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