shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The air was thick with penises
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
