So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
