He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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