Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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