Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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