Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize