Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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