Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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